The last few weeks have been crazy, and I’ve been whirling here and there with all the things that I do in summer. Sports – fridge drama – the Calgary hurling tournament have kept me more than busy. In fact, I have a whole list of things that I need to do more of before the summer ends, like more roaming in the river valley with my camera and proving I’m an excellent gatherer at the farmers’ market.
The frenzy to do things has not lead to a lot of times to write things, especially in this forum. Yet, today as I went through some of my old posts, it occured to me that some of the stories have advanced. So instead of setting free a not fully ready post, I thought I would share updates on other fronts.
I’ve made friends with my journal again.
The book that terrified me now gives me a warm and happy glow. Contented sigh.
Two weeks ago, I couldn’t face my journal, and wanted to pack it away in a drawer and start a new one so that I wouldn’t have to write about the reversal of earlier observations. When push came to shove, I decided not to start a new notebook in that manner. And besides, the story is still being told, and I’m writing it down in my blue journal without hesitation, hoping that it will fizzle out in the next ten pages so that the new yellow notebook can be a really fresh start.
The thing that excites me is that if I continue writing at this rate, I will have the new notebook with me for my New York trip. Well, if I continue journalling at the rate I have over the past few days, the blue book won’t be able to contain my thoughts by the end of August. Which will be perfect, because a lot of what I want to do on my trip is take the time to write while sampling the city’s best bakeries and hot chocolate. “Are you going to see a Broadway show?” someone will ask. “No, I’m going to eat baked goods and write and take pictures.” That was even my stated intention for my trip when I booked accomodations. Can’t wait!
Doing less of nothing – but I will be doing less of some things.
I was fairly unmotivated at the beginning of summer, cranky because people wanted me to operate at speeds faster than a slug. It got a bit better in June, as I started focusing on what I needed to do to get things done. It was at the end of July when I realized that part of my resentment stemmed from doing things that I was pretty burned out with. So that lead me to focus on what I need to do less of.
As this has marinated in my mind over the summer, it is now obvious that I need to stop doing things that don’t light me up. What do I mean by that? I mean that I need to focus on things that put a real smile on my face, not just a plastic war smile that I’ve been seen wearing far too often in the past while.
And I’ve really been aware of the the things that light me up and the things that drag me down in the past little while. The contrast is amazing. When I’m lit up, I have energy to spare. I ask what needs to be done next. I know the next three chess moves. I’m a light breeze instead of a rough wind.
So at the decision point — If what I’m doing makes me feel as good as looking at a field of flowers does, it stays. If I find that I’m not happy about things, if I’m doing things out of robotic obligation or to please people who still make me sit two steps down from them — they’re out of my calendar app.
And it’s not like the time is going to be filled with just old episodes of Gossip Girl. I’m taking the final course of my MA starting in September, and really want to spend more time getting acquainted with my new camera. I want to eat better and expand my repetoire in the kitchen, so I’m in for a fall of experimenting with curries and cakes. I also have another couple projects up my sleeve that I don’t quite have the words for yet.
I still give a puck.
I might not have reached this conclusion in relation to hurling a few weeks ago, when I felt as bruised and beaten as my legs looked. I wished that I wouldn’t have gotten myself mixed up in the endeavour– coordinating, ordering, emailing. The only thing I didn’t regret was picking up a hurley myself and giving it a go.
I thought I would snap a picture of myself with the cup before it made its brief trip to Calgary. There’s nothing like hot pink and silver!
But genies never go back into the bottle neatly. Thankfully. Because when I started untangling everything, looking at what the problems really were, it was more what I was feeling about other things that were obscuring the view. Hurling in Edmonton had made long strides in a considerably short period of time. A great team had been built. And most of all, it was the right thing to do.
Now that the hurling tournament is over and plans are being made for next year, I’m much calmer. And now that I have the Longest Puck – Canadian title to defend, I need to train all that much harder.