I’m a high functioning procrastinator. But I’ll tell you about that later….
Even this morning as I thought about getting up and making some nutritious oatmeal before facing my frozen world, I ended up curled up in bed doing another sudoku puzzle. I felt the whoosh from breakfast-making window closing. I felt my neck move further out of its optimal alignment from my strange app playing posture. I had a million things that I wanted to do, but I couldn’t decide which one to do first, so I did nothing. I didn’t even rack up a record-low time on any of the puzzles I did.
But the one different thing I did do was consciously recognize that I was doing it. I stopped myself once from crawling back under the covers when I should have been searching for socks to wear. I actively searched my mind for what was bothering me, what I was avoiding. I set a time to give myself four minutes to get dressed in. I thought about turning on the audiobook I have that’s enlightening me about procrastination, but I didn’t want to get up to turn off the radio.
The other thing I became aware of as I was running out of the house was that I had the second worst lunch ever due to said procrastination – soup and blueberries. It is a huge improvement over yesterday’s lunch of Vitamin Water and shortbread (and Subway bought later in the afternoon because I was feeling loopy from all the sugar in the shortbread…)
I’ve actually been on this kick for the last few days. I don’t know why, but I started listening to Still Procrastinating? by Joseph R. Ferarri and have worked on being mindful about when I’m wasting time and when I’m getting things done. If mornings are bad, evnings are worse. I come home, flop on the bed and fall asleep until I have to rush off to be somewhere that I may or may not want to be. If it’s somewhere that I want to be for me, I skip it, and instead turn on the television. Hence the pristine condition of my gym card and the few pages written in my journal (well, up until lately, but that’s a different story again.)
But being mindful about things doesn’t necessarily get them done. My car didn’t move last night even when I had some fun errands booked. I didn’t make oatmeal for breakfast this morning (because I secretly wanted bacon, but that’s another story) and I didn’t even cut up fruit for myself. On the upside, I did turn off the television prior to my brain turning to mush, and do the work in my journal that I wanted to get done. That was one big thing crossed off my wish list for the week.
So where do I go from here? I need to keep reminding myself not to procrastinate. Instead of sending a text as to why I couldn’t do something, I just did the thing that I didn’t want to do (in under 3 minutes, including getting up to whinge about something and return a charging cord to where it belongs…). It will take a stream of tiny successes to help me get washed away in the flow of getting things done. For now, each accomplishment feels like a big drop of rain on my parched skin.
But I haven’t yet made my way to the library to pick up the paper copy of the book on procrastination that I ordered. One step at a time…